Discipline without Drama

This is perhaps a slightly more scientific look at how we can parent (rather than purely opinion) so that it’s easier to make informed decisions about how you want to parent, ideally without the drama – now, wouldn’t that be nice! 🙂

Taking ‘time ins’ rather than ‘time outs’

‘Time outs’ is a commonly heard term in the parenting world and there’s always been arguments for and against how this is done. It’s probably more talked about and practised with little ones e.g. going on ‘the naughty step’ etc. which as a parenting strategy has been questioned in more recent years. The reason it has been questioned is because scientifically it has been proven that if you talk in a collaborative way about feelings of overwhelm/anger/frustration and the benefits of taking a short break to then come back to the conversation it usually makes for much more positive outcomes. The reason being, everyone has had the opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, their thoughts and emotions and usually come back calmer and ready to talk more peacefully.

So, this process shouldn’t be used or seen as a punishment or threat. It’s teaching our children to pause, reflect and access their pre-frontal cortex of the brain (the thinking/analytical executive function part of the brain) to help them learn how to self regulate. Perhaps they should be known as ‘time ins’ rather than ‘time outs’ as our thinking is ‘in’ the situation.

So discipline should actually mean ‘to teach’ rather than ‘to punish’. A ‘disciple’ is a student, not a ‘prisoner’ after all.

Whilst I referred to ‘time outs’ being more commonly talked about in the context of parenting little ones, when you think about it, they’re just as relevant when it comes to adolescents and even for us as adults. Your role modeling of that is incredibly powerful. If you didn’t experience secure attachment as a child, this can also be incredibly helpful as part of the repair process.

So when emotions are heightened at home, using ‘time ins’ as a way of each one of us reflecting, calming and accessing the thinking/rationalising part of the brain is helping everyone to learn self regulation and collectively have more productive, supportive and compassionate conversations and relationships.

I’d love to get your thoughts in the comments below ❤️